Questions for Managers - very Funny

1. ராத்திரி 10 மணிக்கு கூட எங்களுக்கு பர்சனல் ஒர்க் வரக்கூடாதுனு எதிர்பார்க்கறீங்க… ஆனா சாயந்திரம் 5 மணி ஆனவுடனே உங்களுக்கு மட்டும் எப்படி பர்சனல் ஒர்க் வந்துடுது…?

2. அது எப்படி நாங்க சொல்லி உங்களுக்கு ஏதாவது புரியலைனா Dont make it too complicatedனு சொல்றீங்க… ஆனா நீங்க சொல்லி எங்களுக்கு புரியலைனா He is Dumbனு சொல்றீங்க..?

3. அது எப்படி Week end எங்களுக்கு வேலை கொடுத்துட்டு சனிக்கிழமை நீங்க வீட்டுக்கு கிளம்பும் போது Happy Weekend னு கூச்சப்படாம சொல்லிட்டு போக முடியுது..?

4. அது எப்படி உங்களுக்கு ஒரு அப்ளிகேஷன் சரியா வேலை செய்யலைனா, அப்ளிகேஷன்ல பிரச்சனைனு சொல்றீங்க… அதே எங்களுக்கு வேலை செய்யலைனா, உனக்கு அப்ளிகேஷன் தெரியலைனு சொல்றீங்க..?

5. ஏதாவது நல்ல நாள் வந்தா ஏதோ உங்க வீட்ல மட்டும் விசேஷம் மாதிரி எல்லா வேலையையும் எங்க தலைல கட்றீங்களே. ஏன் எங்க வீட்லயும் விசேஷம் இருக்கும்னு உங்களுக்கு தெரிய மாட்டீங்குது..? நாங்க என்ன டெஸ்ட் ட்யூப் பேபியா…

6. உங்களுக்கு ஊதிய உயர்வு வரலைனா மட்டும் கம்பெனி ரொம்ப மோசமாகுதுனு சொல்ற நீங்க, எங்களுக்காக மட்டும் பேச மாட்றீங்க…?

7. ஏதாவது ஒரு முக்கியமான மெயில் அனுப்ப நீங்க மறந்தா மட்டும், I was very busy in some other issueனு சொல்றீங்க. அதே நாங்க மறந்தா, you should concentrate on workனு சொல்றீங்க…?

8. ஆபிஸ் நேரத்துல நீங்க ஃபோன் பேசிட்டு இருந்தா மட்டும், அது ஏதோ தலை போற விஷயம் மாதிரி எடுத்துக்கறீங்க, அதே நாங்க பண்ணா வேலையை சரியா செய்ய மாட்றானு சொல்றீங்க…?

9. சாயந்திரம் 5 மணிக்கு நீங்க வீட்டுக்கு போறது தப்பில்லை, ஆனா அப்ப நாங்க ஒரு டீ குடிச்சிட்டு வர போனா மட்டும் ஏதோ கொலை குத்தம் செய்யற மாதிரி பாக்கறீங்க…?

10. காலைல வந்ததுல இருந்து ICICI Direct,gmail ,Geogit, Sharekhanனு செக் பண்ணிட்டு இருக்கீங்க. அதே நாங்க மதியம் சாப்பிட்டு வந்து மெயில் செக் பண்ணா மட்டும் Don’t use company resources for your personal workனு சொல்றீங்க…?

ஏன் சார் ஏன்….

இத்த தான்…

திருக்குறள்ள

யாதெனின் யாதெனின் நீங்கியான் நோதல்

அதனின் அதனின் இலன்…

ஆப்பீசுக்கு போனா ஆணிபுடுங்காம சும்மா இருப்பதே சுகம்னு வள்ளுவர் எப்பவோ எழுதிவச்சுட்டாரு.

இந்த டேமேஜர்களுக்குத்தான் இது தெரிய மாட்டேங்குது.....

இத நான் எழுதலிங்க...... நண்பர்கள் எழுதியது எனது மெயிலுக்கு பார்வேடு ஆகி இருந்தது

என்னாலயும் மேனேஜர்கிட்ட கேட்க முடியல.... அவர் எனது பதிவை படிப்பார்னு தெரியும்

இப்படியாவது அவருக்கு சொல்லலாம்னு தான்........

நீங்களும் உங்க மேனேஜர்க்கு பார்வேடு பண்ணுங்க.......

The 'Corporate' language !! - Very Funny

The 'Corporate' language !!


'We will do it'
means
'You will do it'


'You have done a great job'
means
'More work to be given to you'


'We are working on it'
means
'We have not yet started working on the same'


'Tomorrow, first thing in the morning'
means
'Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !'.


'After discussion we will decide -
I am very open to views'
means
'I have already decided, I will tell you what to do'


'There was a slight miscommunication'
means
'We had actually lied'


'Lets call a meeting and discuss'
means
'I have no time now, will talk later'


'We can always do it'
means
'We actually cannot do the same on time'


'We are on the right track but there needs
to be a slight extension of the deadline'
means
'The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.'


'We had slight differences of opinion'
means
'We had actually fought'


'Make a list of the work that you do and
 let's see how I can help you'
means
'Anyway you have to find a way out, no help from me'


'You should have told me earlier'
means
'Well even if you told me earlier that
would have made hardly any difference!'


'We need to find out the real reason'
means
'Well I will tell you where your fault is'


'Well.... family is important, your leave is always
granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected'
means
'Well you know...'


'We are a team'
means
'I am not the only one to be blamed'


'That's actually a good question'
means
'I do not know anything about it'
. . . . .
AND FINALLY, THE BEST OF ALL...
.
.
.
.
..

.
.
.
.
.
.
 
.

'All the Best'
means
' You are in trouble'

Funny Error Messages -

 

Funny Error Mesages -  வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து சுட்டது....

And the final one…. (LOL)

Communication Skill - Keep Smiling......

வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து........
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary:

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome things mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

Dear Marian
I know you have been working very hard. Nowadays, nothing much has changed. You must have noticed that our company is not doing noticeably well as yet.
Now the newspaper are saying the world`s leading economists are not sure if the United States may go into another recession. After the November presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have nothing more to add now. You know what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

One Minute story......

One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grandma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.

After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark. Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping. Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that,” The Guy is a rogue; how dare he? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy.”PM thought that,” I can’t believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake”

That girl thought that,” I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grandma

has slapped him”.

Finally, the Software engineer thought?

“This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes…because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM.”

Software Company's Terms & Definitions - Just for Humour

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

Is this Your Wife?

வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து......

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
* * *
Sometime later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”

New Language - European English - Worth Read......

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kanhave one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vordskontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Women will be women....

 வலை பக்கங்களில் பார்த்தவை....

A small collection of the vocabulary women use. If you are a man, you know you have suffered this. If you are a woman, you know one day he definitely will.

Whatever
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why dont we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why dont we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, today too?
Men: Hmm….. I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhoea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It’s been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it’s a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe’ and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
You decide
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: Ok we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it… for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can’t walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s have dinner first
Women: Whatever…
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything…

 

Project Manager Storyy..................

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand  the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many  people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a  tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the ! crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and
asked the little man, 

 

"What do you do for a living?

Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

"No," replied the man.

"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "

Computers in Heaven.....

A man checked into a hotel.There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To:
My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: January 31, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
TOMORROW !

Yours
Loving Hubby..

Perfect Employee ?@#!@$#!

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always

finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

executed as soon as possible.

Note :

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

-Boss

---- I read  this  one in  book, and here for all.....

New CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. This guy is really going to show that he was a good investment by the company.
 

One day, on a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

Boared @ Office ?

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.

2. Make blank calls to your Boss.

3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook)to your internet mail (and
immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your
mail?)and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach
there.Then do vice versa.............!!

4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to
irritate him/her.

5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).

6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions whileworking
and try changing your ex-pressions also.

7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking
silly doubts.

8. Make faces at strangers in office.

9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.

10. Learn to whistle.

11. Revise last week's newspaper.

12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.

13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.

14. Compile "How to waste your day"

15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.

16. Have work breaks in between tea.

17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.

18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..
Then repeat this process.

19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s)
he was 5 years old.

20. Read jokes and send jokes.

21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a
nap.

And if you are still getting bored.........................then 
Refer this blog to your friends.....

You & Your BOSS

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Funnny - Technology @ Peak

See the Situations when Technology @ Peak




.
.
.
.

Neck Exercise -- Great Effect.

A doctor advises his patients to exercise their neck by just reading this message.

In the end, all patients go home happily without asking the doctor for any medications. 'It is very effective,' said the doctor.

'All my patients never come back to me again.'
.
.
.

Friday Joke - Don't Miss....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as Soccer 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. A friend suggested that I run Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it hasn't worked. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

.....................................................................

Here is the Reply from TechSupport

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears 6.2 and install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 or worse still 6.0, program. These are unsupported applications which will lead to serious systems conflicts.

In summary, Husband1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Source: http://karmasotra.blogspot.com/

Why Developers Say, “It Works On My System” : Src: www.thoughtclusters.com

Because it is not as bad as saying, “Don’t blame me for it.”

“It works on my computer” is one of those things that reminds me of how pedestrians behave as drivers and vice versa. The pedestrian feels that the driver should be careful and drive safely, but the same person, as a driver, hates all the jaywalking pedestrians. All programmers, at some point in time, have replied to a bug stating it works on their system, but it drives their team leaders (once programmers themselves) crazy when they hear them.

To the manager, this statement sounds insane. He thinks, “Why does it matter whether it works on your system? We are not talking about your system. We are talking about a customer who is unable to do their work because the application doesn’t work as it is supposed to? Why are you being so callous?”

The developer, simultaneously, thinks, “There shouldn’t be any problem with the application. After all, I tested it a million different ways. It passed testing and we didn’t have any problems so far. Maybe the person at the customer site is using an unsupported environment. Maybe they are missing a necessary component or turned off something for security reasons.”

The developer remembers the several times in the past when he had to deal with a supposedly huge problem in the application and then found out that the user did not have the network cable plugged in (yes, Google too stopped working!). Or that some IT wise guy decided to turn off JavaScript (all those nasty XSS exploits). Or even when the customer was specifically told not to use anything less than Windows XP, and they decided anyway to run the application on a Windows 98 box (it happened to be lying around).

Maybe this time, it is different, but probably not.

Yes, the developer knows it is not his fault. But saying that makes the developer sound too defensive. Better to use an actual fact, i.e., the application has been known to work. It is not a problem with the code he wrote. Inside, the developer also knows that he will have to fix the problem despite this statement. But he wants to win this mini-battle to maintain his credentials.

So, manager, when you hear a developer say, “It works on my system“, don’t burst into flames. Just say without any sarcasm, “OK, it is good to know that the application is working here. [significant pause] Now, can you call the customer and get it working on their system?“

Life @ 2020

 
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.