The 'Corporate' language !! - Very Funny

The 'Corporate' language !!


'We will do it'
means
'You will do it'


'You have done a great job'
means
'More work to be given to you'


'We are working on it'
means
'We have not yet started working on the same'


'Tomorrow, first thing in the morning'
means
'Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !'.


'After discussion we will decide -
I am very open to views'
means
'I have already decided, I will tell you what to do'


'There was a slight miscommunication'
means
'We had actually lied'


'Lets call a meeting and discuss'
means
'I have no time now, will talk later'


'We can always do it'
means
'We actually cannot do the same on time'


'We are on the right track but there needs
to be a slight extension of the deadline'
means
'The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.'


'We had slight differences of opinion'
means
'We had actually fought'


'Make a list of the work that you do and
 let's see how I can help you'
means
'Anyway you have to find a way out, no help from me'


'You should have told me earlier'
means
'Well even if you told me earlier that
would have made hardly any difference!'


'We need to find out the real reason'
means
'Well I will tell you where your fault is'


'Well.... family is important, your leave is always
granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected'
means
'Well you know...'


'We are a team'
means
'I am not the only one to be blamed'


'That's actually a good question'
means
'I do not know anything about it'
. . . . .
AND FINALLY, THE BEST OF ALL...
.
.
.
.
..

.
.
.
.
.
.
 
.

'All the Best'
means
' You are in trouble'

Funny Error Messages -

 

Funny Error Mesages -  வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து சுட்டது....

And the final one…. (LOL)

Heart Attack & Hot Water - Worth Read

This Article could save someone ' s life. Please don ' t ignore !!!

Heart Attacks and Drinking Warm Water




This is a very good article.. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal.
However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed.
It will slow down the digestion.
Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food.
It will line the intestine..
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer & arthritis .
It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...

• A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting .
• Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line .
• You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
• Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.
• 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.
• Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
• Let's be careful and be aware.
• The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
• A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

It could save a life.

Apple iPad - Info

ஆப்பிள் நிறுவனம் தனது புதிய தயாரிப்பான i -Pad ஐ  வெளியிட்டு உள்ளது. அதை பற்றி சில தகவல்கள் .

Features

i-Pod 
3G
Email
Video
Photos
AppStore
YouTube
Calender
Maps
and More......

 Display

• 9.7-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit glossy widescreen Multi-Touch display with IPS technology
• 1024-by-768-pixel resolution at 132 pixels per inch (ppi)
• Fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating 
• Support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously
•  

Zaheer burst sets up 2-0 victory

Zaheer burst sets up 2-0 victory

சாகிர் கான் பந்து வீச்சு அபாரமாக இருந்தது . ஆனால் இஷாந்த் ஷர்மா எதிர்பார்த்த அளவிற்கு இல்லை.  பரவாஇல்லை மொத்தத்தில் இந்திய அணி சிறப்பாக விளையாடியது .
தென் ஆப்ரிக்கா  விற்கு எதிரான தொடரில் இர்பான் பதானுக்கு வாய்ப்பு அளித்தால் நன்றாக இறுக்கும். அவர் ஒரு நல்ல பந்து வீச்சாளர் .

பொங்கலோ பொங்கல்

நன்மைகள் யாவும் இனிதே நடந்திட !,
தீமைகள் யாவும் ஓடி ஒழிந்திட !,
கொண்டாடுவோம் நம் பொங்கல் திருநாளை!

அனைவருக்கும் தமிழரின் பாரம்பரிய திருவிழாவாம் பொங்கல் திருநாள் மற்றும் தமிழ் புத்தாண்டு  நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள்.

-- ராஜேஷ் சுப்பிரமணியன்

Communication Skill - Keep Smiling......

வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து........
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary:

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome things mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

Dear Marian
I know you have been working very hard. Nowadays, nothing much has changed. You must have noticed that our company is not doing noticeably well as yet.
Now the newspaper are saying the world`s leading economists are not sure if the United States may go into another recession. After the November presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have nothing more to add now. You know what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

One Minute story......

One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train. Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grandma. With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.

After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark. Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping. Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that,” The Guy is a rogue; how dare he? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy.”PM thought that,” I can’t believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake”

That girl thought that,” I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grandma

has slapped him”.

Finally, the Software engineer thought?

“This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes…because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM.”

Software Company's Terms & Definitions - Just for Humour

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

Is this Your Wife?

வலை பக்கங்களில் இருந்து......

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
* * *
Sometime later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”

New Language - European English - Worth Read......

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kanhave one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vordskontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Women will be women....

 வலை பக்கங்களில் பார்த்தவை....

A small collection of the vocabulary women use. If you are a man, you know you have suffered this. If you are a woman, you know one day he definitely will.

Whatever
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why dont we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why dont we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, today too?
Men: Hmm….. I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhoea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It’s been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it’s a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe’ and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
You decide
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: Ok we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it… for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can’t walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let’s have dinner first
Women: Whatever…
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything…